I have just celebrated my birthday in a small and intimate gathering of beautiful woman who made me laugh all night long, thanks ladies for making me laugh so hard that I cried :-)
So my birthday celebrations saw me indulging in a few glasses of red wine and by the time I poured myself into my perfectly comfortable bed, I was very.... Happy... wink wink :-). The sleep that followed was deep and regenerative to say the least. It was also deeply enlightening and in a bit of a disappointing way. Here is the reason why.
Last night/early this morning, I had a very interesting dream regarding two (2) sharp screws hidden in things that I would eventually find and that would cause me pain when I did. One item being food another a pillow. Now, I do not consider myself to be a dream weaver or worker but I have dabbled with said practices a bit in the past and thought that I would put some of that almost forgotten knowledge to good use. What I discovered was a little disappointing, because what came back was that the two (2) screws in my dream belonged... ie, were attached by energy thread, to two (2) people currently in my life at this very moment and said screws were placed there as a result of me in essence triggering said individuals.
The confronting part was that I saw exactly who these individuals were and that surprised me quite a bit because I have not had any issues with either person and was under the impression that we were in a pretty happy developing friendship, despite the fact that I am not in constant contact with either.
I can't begin to tell you how much this hurt my heart at first, because the way that I was shown the situation was that these two (2) individuals were actually in danger of causing fractures in relationships that I would have at one stage considered to be pretty "close". I saw this whole whispering in ears thing and puppeteering that I have to say made me pretty sad. The odd thing was, that these two (2) principal individuals don't really know each other all that well and as such were working two different angles to cause me harm, hence the placement of the screws, one in my food and the other in my pillow.
Upset, I sat with that feeling for a few hours, I really really felt it as much as I could and in doing so received a few rather healing insights which are as follows.
It is not my responsibility to make myself smaller to make others feel better about who they are. If my authentic behaviour causes another discomfort, then that is entirely their issues to heal not mine, because again, I can not be responsible for what another feels as a result of me being myself. I should not have to tip toe around others, I should not have to allow another to dictate my behaviour in any way shape or form.
When someone is triggered by your behaviour, it is indicative of unresolved issues within that person, issues that mostly likely have nothing to do with you but that you may have reminded them about or awakened inside of them. A truly worthwhile and honest relationship will fan your flame so that it burns brighter ever thus making you a better individual, In other words, they cause positive growth. Not cause fractures from the inside out because that is not the mark of a complete individual, it is the mark of a weakened soul in need of healing.
Finally, as hurtful as this was to confront, I was swiftly reminded of the fact that I have an amazing life, I have a beautiful family and truly wonderful friends. I have a budding business and the remarkable ability to leave a positive mark on this world, indeed we all do. And that to me is what we should focus on, not manipulations and petty gossip. I was always taught that no one is rich enough to throw away a friend, so honor yours and in doing so honor yourself.
I must also add, that I was thankful for the wisdom of Charis Melina Brown today, she really helped remind me sacred selfishness so thank you Charis for being amazing :-)
Much love and many blessings xo